What I Gained During a Year of Loss

2​020 was a life-altering year full of sacrifice, loss, fear, and grief. I think that most of us can agree that the life we thought we would have in 2020 became a life that we never could have imagined in a million years. While I have lost a lot since March 13, 2020, I have realized recently that there are also many things that I have gained along the way.

L​ike everyone, my life was turned upside down as of March 13, 2020. My graduate school courses were moved to online and my internship doing therapy with children and their families was completed over Zoom. To limit potential exposure to my family and boyfriend, I alternated living at both houses for two weeks at a time. As a result, I had to keep the most important people in my life apart for an entire year. I lost my babysitting job. I didn't see any of my friends, all road races were cancelled or became virtual, and I stopped going to the gym. I​ graduate this year, and my graduation will be over Zoom. I didn't celebrate holidays with extended family and I didn't spend Christmas Eve at church.

I​ missed out on opportunities that I thought I would have and memories that I thought I would make.

There has been so much loss. Even though it has been a year, I still feel sad at times, grieving over what "should have been." The things about my life that used to be part of my daily routine disappeared overnight.

H​owever, upon the one year anniversary of the pandemic, I've realized something really important. While I lost many things this year, I also gained so much. Here's what I gained:

B​ecause of the sacrifices that my inner circle made (no family gatherings, masks, and social distancing), all of my family members are alive and have not contracted COVID-19. My biggest fear and worst nightmare all year was losing a loved one to COVID-19, as thousands of Americans did. My heart goes out to every single one of them. For me, this is the biggest gain, and I would make the same decision a million times if I needed to. As my boyfriend says, "we sacrificed what we did this year so that we can have many many more years with our families after this, and it was so worth it." Yes, it definitely was.

Another gain is that m​y boyfriend and I have gotten to spend more consecutive time together than we ever imagined we would. If the pandemic didn't happen, we would have still seen each other at night and on weekends, but this year allowed us to be together 24/7 for weeks at a time. Over the course of the year, we learned to cook together, including more than one 12 pound stuffed turkey! We got to enjoy homemade breakfasts together on Sunday mornings. We initiated pizza and movie night every Saturday night. We went on lots of hikes and spent a lot of time in nature. He introduced me to sushi. We got to see each other in between his meetings or my therapy sessions. Being together as much as we have has been the greatest blessing.

Another gain has been spending more time on hobbies. I started baking more and learned how to bake donuts and scones. I grew herbs for the first time in my backyard. I started lifting weights at home, which I NEVER would have had the guts to do in a real gym. I started writing and journaling every day. I read a ton more books than I would have otherwise. In pre-pandemic life, my hobbies often got pushed to the side, but this year has allowed me to start prioritizing the things that I love, which has been such a gift.

F​inally, I have a deeper sense of gratitude and appreciation for this life than I ever have before. Never again will I take spending time with someone I love for granted. Never again will I not try to be fully present and soak in every moment. If this year taught me anything it's that life is fragile and we need to do our best to enjoy it and protect it every single day.